Hope for the Future

I've had a lot of different things inspiring this post.

Of course, my ultimate hope is to have the same Todd back.... this just simply is not going to happen. I have researched and researched and have not found a single success story in which I would be happy with the outcome. 

There are kids that get physical mobility back... there are kids that get thought process and learning back... but no kid gets everything... how do you decide what you think would be best? I feel like mentally, Todd is completely there. The looks he gives us, the expressions... they are all appropriate for the situation. So do I wish he was physically better? Yes... of course. I want him to chase me around again. But, then I hear of these kids that are so mentally altered that they are committing violent crimes against not only their families but themselves too.... do I really want Todd to struggle with this? 

What do I want for Todd? I want him to love. I want him to live. I want him to enjoy himself. I want him to succeed. I was never able to picture Todd as a teenager or an adult... maybe because he was no where near either of those things... but, it makes me wonder. I wanted to give him a future, a life. I worked my ass off through nursing school not just for myself, but mainly for him. I knew that I would always have a job, regardless of whether it was one I wanted or not.... but I could provide for him no matter what. My ultimate goal was to take care of him... and now I feel like a failure. 

How do I stop feeling this way?

Right now... I feel like more of a caregiver than a Mom, a roommate rather than a fiance... I've lost my own personality, my own being. I feel like all I do is support everyone else. I'm not working, so my nursing degree is just sitting there staring at me... Who am I? How do I quit feeling like I fail at everything I touch? 

Todd deserved so much more... he didn't deserve to go through this. 

I don't give up hope because to do that would kill me.... and Todd deserves every chance this world has to offer him. I will fight to find any solution there is to this devastating injury.