We've reverted back to the days where they say, 'Sleep when the baby sleeps.' This is so true right now. We have to get our sleep in when Todd does. For a few weeks getting 3 consecutive hours was an absolute blessing. I managed to get 7 hours total last night! Yes, it was broken up, but STILL!!
With a newborn, typically, you can find a way to soothe them. Whether it be feeding them, changing them, holding them etc. Since he storms, most of any of that would just make the storm worse. Except for changing him, he lets us know when he's wet, sometimes that will help if that's what the problem is. It's so hard to wake up in the middle of the night to one of the storms and not be able to do anything. There's nothing you can do, but you can't go back to sleep. How do you go back to sleep when your child looks and sounds like they are in pain? You have to ride it out.
It's been suggested to me, by multiple people, to go home, nap, rest. When I do go home, which is becoming more frequent, I can't stay there. I go in, do what I need to do and leave. It's uncomfortably quiet and still. Not to mention I already got one awful phone call to rush to a hospital... I don't want another. Not when I know I can be here. On one trip home I did attempt to sit down, watch tv, maybe even nap... I couldn't. I longed to come back. I wanted to be by his side. That's my comfort zone. This is where I am comfortable. He needs me and I need him. I know everyone is worried about caregiver fatigue and that when the time comes that I really am providing full care that I'll be exhausted, but honestly it's more exhausting forcing myself to do something that doesn't feel right.
I will admit that the first two weeks I did not take care of myself. Yes, guilty. I think I might have gone like 5 days without a shower and skipped several meals. But since then I've learned to cope better, I know I need to take care of myself and I have. Brian and I have started taking turns/shifts getting up with Todd, going out, having down time and it seems to be working well.
It's easier to rest when you have an end in sight. When you have a timeline. There is so much going on with him that there is no real way to put a timeline on it and that just makes it worse. It's hard to push through. We're trying to stay positive and trying to hang on to the good moments. Those are what really keep us going.
(working with PT/OT this morning)
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